The Upsides of My Kid’s Appendicitis
There’s never a convenient time for emergency surgery. Yet somehow, despite the inconvenience, I surprised myself by enjoying the days following my daughter’s appendectomy. While she lingered in discomfort, I served her the bits of food she was craving, helped her to the bathroom, and lathered her with lotion after her showers. As I traveled back to her toddlerhood and the nurturing emotions that came with caring for her in those early stages, I realized I was grateful for this experience. I was grateful for my ability to care for my child, thankful that her surgery was uncomplicated, and appreciative that her teachers were not expecting her to complete schoolwork during her recovery. My daughter told me she was grateful it was her going through the surgery, and not her aging grandparents, and that she was thankful she was home when the symptoms occurred so that she could receive reliable care immediately.
I realized that my daughter and I both experienced the benefits of gratitude and resilience without even realizing it. When faced with hardships, it turns out that certain practices can promote a healthier return to normalcy and even prevent us from falling into a deeper despair. Here are research-backed strategies that can help you foster resilience, because we all need to know how to keep from falling too far down and bounce back effectively in the face of adversity.
Look for silver linings in mundane setbacks.
When hardship befalls us, it is often difficult to see silver linings. The last thing we want to do is put a positive spin on a trying or painful experience. But it turns out that routinely looking for silver linings in small inconveniences actually helps you appreciate the positives when you are confronted with the most challenging circumstances. This means that when the wrong order gets delivered for dinner, you say (out loud so your kids can hear you): Well, I guess we get to try a new food today! Or when a shopping cart runs into your car: Thank goodness it was a shopping cart and not a person. Practicing daily gratitudes seems to have the same effect, re-wiring our brains to perceive the positive sides of our realities. Role model by making it a daily routine to spot silver linings and share small gratitudes: air-conditioning, hand cream, the barista, the spontaneous hug from your child.
Make sure your child feels heard.
Simply acknowledging your child’s feelings validates them, allowing them to heal from their mental or physical challenge. Saying with sincerity: Oh no, that sounds really hard. Or, It looks like that really hurt. These acknowledgements and affirmations help your child develop secure attachment. In my case, listening to my fifteen year-old daughter repeatedly complain about her discomfort, hold her when she was overwhelmed, and patiently responding to all her multiple needs (More water please, With ice, More tea, I think prunes might help, I forgot my towel, I’m hungry, It hurts, Moooom). Feeling heard and supported raises your child’s tolerance for pain and stress. Once insurmountable pain and hardship becomes manageable when a child knows they have a loved one to lean on. The power of secure attachment is seen in research outlining the health ramifications of significant childhood adverse events. Children with secure attachment are buffered by a sense of love, support, and belonging while those without secure attachment are left more exposed to the lasting chronic health effects of childhood adversity.
Laughing helps healing.
Laughing reduces pain perception and improves mood. After her appendectomy, my daughter was in exquisite pain every time she coughed or laughed. Nevertheless, the laughter we shared (made more humorous because of the pain she was in trying to control it) brought cherished moments to both of us. So while it caused her pain, it was worth the laugh. In fact, in one study of children undergoing hospital procedures, humor interventions resulted in reduced cortisol levels, lower pain scores, and increased oxytocin (love hormone) levels.
During times of grief, propriety or feelings of guilt may prevent us from laughing. But laughing is necessary even in those times. Recalling times of levity with shared storytelling or being with children can provide opportunities for much needed laughter.
The Breakdown
Unexpected challenges are a part of life. When they show up and in what capacity, we cannot control. But how we respond to them makes a real difference. Role-modeling and teaching your kids to spot silver-linings, practicing gratitude, ensuring your child feels heard and supported, and incorporating laughter into your days can help raise more resilient children. While appendicitis is a transient setback, with incisions that will heal and pain that will fade, it served as a rehearsal for the next hurdle.
You may also enjoy Why You May Need to Start Fake Laughing.
Thank you for reading my human-generated articles! If you found this helpful or educational, please share, follow on your preferred platform, or subscribe below. For concierge parent coaching or consultations, please contact me at www.DrAngel.com.
For more perspective on what it takes to have and raise a thriving little human, check out my podcast, The Unplanned Parent, on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen or watch.
References:
Luo, Rui et al. “Trajectories of resilience among Chinese adolescents: Effects of gratitude and perceived stress.” Development and psychopathology, 1-12. 15 Aug. 2025, doi:10.1017/S0954579425100448
Kim, Juyoung et al. “What accounts for multifinality of the pathways from family ecological adversity to children’s future antisocial outcomes? Exploring early attachment relationships as a source of resilience in low- and high-risk samples.” Development and psychopathology, 1-16. 13 Nov. 2025, doi:10.1017/S0954579425100904
Sánchez, Julio C et al. “Effects of clowning on anxiety, stress, pain, and hormonal markers in paediatric patients.” BMC pediatrics vol. 24,1 728. 13 Nov. 2024, doi:10.1186/s12887-024-05211-1
Dur, Şadiye et al. “Healing with laughter: the therapeutic power of laughter yoga in pediatric health – a systematic review.” BMC pediatrics vol. 26,1 2. 3 Jan. 2026, doi:10.1186/s12887-025-06151-0