A recent abstract presented at the American Academy of Sleep Medicine highlighted the importance of social connectedness and adequate sleep in preteen adolescents (Gombert et al.). This makes perfect sense: kids sleep better when they are relaxed, they are relaxed when they feel safe, they feel safe when they feel supported, and they feel supported when they know someone—especially their caregiver(s)—has their back. So, the question becomes: how do we let our kids know we have their backs?
Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Feel Heard and Gain a Sense of Control
Have meals together.
Several studies have examined the benefits of family meals. Across childhood, having meals with family helps—from fostering prosocial behaviors in toddlers to building resilience against cyberbullying in teens
What if we don’t have time for meals together?
This is a valid concern, and I hear it often. I like to break down what it means to have a family meal and how we can recreate that if schedules or family structure don’t allow for traditional meals together. Family meals are more than just eating together. A meal with your family might look like setting the table together, buying the groceries, making the meal, cleaning up together, choosing the takeout option, picking the restaurant, or having a conversation on the way to and from the restaurant. In all these cases, you are working together, listening, talking, sharing, and feeling heard. These benefits can be achieved outside of traditional family meals—for example, during the ride to soccer practice: you work together to gather snacks and water bottles, load and unload the car together, and talk during the car ride.
Talk about schedules.
In the abstract mentioned earlier, when adults discussed the next day’s schedules with kids, the kids slept longer. This makes so much sense. Everyone feels better if they know what they have to do when– it gives kids an often lacking sense of control. This can be done in the car, over dinner, or with a family calendar. I like mine on a chalkboard in the family room. It’s easy for everyone to see, question, or clarify.
Set screen time rules early.
The association between child and teen technology use and poor sleep is well established. Screens also affect our social connectedness. This is why setting screen time rules is so important. If your children are on devices in the car or during meals, they cannot engage with you. Similarly, if your teen has a phone and uses it during car rides or meals, when will you ever talk to them? Before ever giving your child a device, set specific rules for when the screen can be used. Cars and meals should not make that list. Of course, parents must role model this for it to become a family value.
To summarize:
- Kids sleep better when they feel socially connected and when they feel some sense of control.
- Provide this social connectedness through family meals or other activities that involve working together, sharing, listening, and having fun together.
- Be serious about screen time rules. Preserve car rides and mealtimes as family spaces for shared discussion and activities.
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References:
Marie Gombert, Orsolya Kiss, Eva Muller Oehring, Lucy Shao, Susan Tapert, Elizabeth Sowell, Deanna Greene, Andrew Marshall, Holly Shakya, Bohan Xu, Wes Thompson, Chun Chieh Fan, Fiona Baker, 0331 Social Connectedness as Predictor of Sleep in Adolescents: Prospective Analysis of ABCD Data in Covid-19 Pandemic, Sleep, Volume 48, Issue Supplement_1, May 2025, Page A144, https://doi.org/10.1093/sleep/zsaf090.0331
Shaw, Richard J et al. “Do social support and eating family meals together play a role in promoting resilience to bullying and cyberbullying in Scottish school children?.” SSM – population health vol. 9 100485. 14 Sep. 2019, doi:10.1016/j.ssmph.2019.100485
DeGrace, Beth W et al. “Benefits of Family Meals for Children With Special Therapeutic and Behavioral Needs.” The American journal of occupational therapy : official publication of the American Occupational Therapy Association vol. 70,3 (2016): 7003350010p1-6. doi:10.5014/ajot.2016.014969
Hale, Lauren, and Stanford Guan. “Screen time and sleep among school-aged children and adolescents: a systematic literature review.” Sleep medicine reviews vol. 21 (2015): 50-8. doi:10.1016/j.smrv.2014.07.007
